My intention was set as: to let the day take me where I needed to go. This was in relation to expressing what I was feeling and facing the emotions I had in previous sessions of anger and frustration. I made this intention because we have been advised that we store a lot of that kind of stuff in our back and from here on out the work we have done is going to be on the back. I am planning on writing down all my aggressions on a piece of paper so that if I need to take it out on something I can put that piece of paper on a pillow and let it have it! The intention was changed to:
A discussion took place in the early morning that was quite an epiphany and lead to my understanding of some of the difficulties I have been having within the past couple of days. During circle our group discussed being “disconnected” from the work we are doing and not experiencing what is happening on the table by being in and out of one’s ego. The importance that I have been putting on remembering every little detail and really having something to write about has prevented me from fully experiencing everything. I have found that due to all this writing I have been doing about my experiences that I have started to stay in the state of a writer while in the sessions. This state is the state of the ego and has kept me from really opening up to myself and has diminished my experience in quality and quantity. For this reason many of my following entries may not contain as much detail for they will be on the overall experience of each day versus individual sections of the day and what they all meant for me. I will still try to be thorough in what I talk about, and include as much valuable and expressive experiences as possible, but some topics may be lacking. After this discussion my new intention became: not to be the writer.
The morning session was difficult for me. I worked on someone in the group who I have a past relationship (friendship) with. In the past, she has been a guide in many spiritual quests. While working on her I was engulfed by the need to give her a superior treatment, a treatment that surpassed the rest. I think this intention hindered my ability to feel the energy present and channel it to where it needed to be. The pace was slow and exhausting. For the first week, I was able to activate all points on the body and initiate any energy movements necessary, but in this session I could not initiate a spiral (kind of energy movement). When I asked for input on the situation, Arna kind of chuckled and said that it is not something that you can do, it just has to happen. Part of the problem was that I was not physically initiating the movement. In the past I had always just been able to think about it and it would really take me, but not in this case. I struggled through this session, finally ending well after everyone else. This fact did not really bother me but I was worried that I was doing something wrong and the possible effects it could have on the rest of my experiences.
Lunch came immediately after I finished my treatment, around 1:30. The “patients” were delayed in their presence at the table and one-by-one they came up stairs. When my partner made her way up she was not her normal self. She seemed drained and still in a integration stage from the treatment. She grabbed something to eat quick and went back downstairs for further integration. An hour later, I went down stairs for my session of treatment. Of course, my partner was still on the table sleeping it off. When she woke she seemed groggy and still not herself. I became very worried about her and could not get that out of my mind.
When my treatment started I was worried for two reasons. The first: I may have done this to her and she hates me for it. Second: she was going to do something she wasn’t supposed to and it was going to affect me some how. This prevented me from really moving out of my ego state and feeling what was going on in my own body. I found myself at numerous times thinking about the work that my partner was doing instead of just letting it happen. This went on for a majority of the session until there was an all of a sudden energy change from her and I was able to relax. The rest of the treatment went well. It has been a common occurrence for me to not really feel the full effects of the treatment until after the work has been completing and I am integrating. As I lay on the table in peace the treatment seems to take over my body and hit me all at once. I then fall asleep for a short while and wake up, sometimes in time for lunch/dinner. As I woke and felt my body a little I noticed that my lower back that has been causing me troubles had subsided and was really lose and relaxed, at least compared to what it used to be.
I have found that I don’t do well and tend to fall into the ego state when the person working on me is given directions from Arna about the next step. I automatically set my focus to what she is saying and really need to work on getting out of this habit and stay in my heart. An new intention for the future was made: to get out of the ego state and really allow myself to feel.
A discussion took place in the early morning that was quite an epiphany and lead to my understanding of some of the difficulties I have been having within the past couple of days. During circle our group discussed being “disconnected” from the work we are doing and not experiencing what is happening on the table by being in and out of one’s ego. The importance that I have been putting on remembering every little detail and really having something to write about has prevented me from fully experiencing everything. I have found that due to all this writing I have been doing about my experiences that I have started to stay in the state of a writer while in the sessions. This state is the state of the ego and has kept me from really opening up to myself and has diminished my experience in quality and quantity. For this reason many of my following entries may not contain as much detail for they will be on the overall experience of each day versus individual sections of the day and what they all meant for me. I will still try to be thorough in what I talk about, and include as much valuable and expressive experiences as possible, but some topics may be lacking. After this discussion my new intention became: not to be the writer.
The morning session was difficult for me. I worked on someone in the group who I have a past relationship (friendship) with. In the past, she has been a guide in many spiritual quests. While working on her I was engulfed by the need to give her a superior treatment, a treatment that surpassed the rest. I think this intention hindered my ability to feel the energy present and channel it to where it needed to be. The pace was slow and exhausting. For the first week, I was able to activate all points on the body and initiate any energy movements necessary, but in this session I could not initiate a spiral (kind of energy movement). When I asked for input on the situation, Arna kind of chuckled and said that it is not something that you can do, it just has to happen. Part of the problem was that I was not physically initiating the movement. In the past I had always just been able to think about it and it would really take me, but not in this case. I struggled through this session, finally ending well after everyone else. This fact did not really bother me but I was worried that I was doing something wrong and the possible effects it could have on the rest of my experiences.
Lunch came immediately after I finished my treatment, around 1:30. The “patients” were delayed in their presence at the table and one-by-one they came up stairs. When my partner made her way up she was not her normal self. She seemed drained and still in a integration stage from the treatment. She grabbed something to eat quick and went back downstairs for further integration. An hour later, I went down stairs for my session of treatment. Of course, my partner was still on the table sleeping it off. When she woke she seemed groggy and still not herself. I became very worried about her and could not get that out of my mind.
When my treatment started I was worried for two reasons. The first: I may have done this to her and she hates me for it. Second: she was going to do something she wasn’t supposed to and it was going to affect me some how. This prevented me from really moving out of my ego state and feeling what was going on in my own body. I found myself at numerous times thinking about the work that my partner was doing instead of just letting it happen. This went on for a majority of the session until there was an all of a sudden energy change from her and I was able to relax. The rest of the treatment went well. It has been a common occurrence for me to not really feel the full effects of the treatment until after the work has been completing and I am integrating. As I lay on the table in peace the treatment seems to take over my body and hit me all at once. I then fall asleep for a short while and wake up, sometimes in time for lunch/dinner. As I woke and felt my body a little I noticed that my lower back that has been causing me troubles had subsided and was really lose and relaxed, at least compared to what it used to be.
I have found that I don’t do well and tend to fall into the ego state when the person working on me is given directions from Arna about the next step. I automatically set my focus to what she is saying and really need to work on getting out of this habit and stay in my heart. An new intention for the future was made: to get out of the ego state and really allow myself to feel.
