I woke up this morning with feelings of anxiety. I had an idea of what we were going to be working on today and I was not sure if I was ready for it. The main topic was sexuality and it was very interesting that it happened to come the day after last nights extensive conversation with a dear friend of mine on this specific subject.
My intention was made: “to let it happen and be open to it”. This intention was put in place so that I could face anything that would possibly come up and not be scared to expose myself (in more than one way).
I did not know what to expect of the treatment sessions that were going to happen today because I knew the area that we would be working in and it can get pretty personal. I was happy to find out that I would not have to be naked in front of all these people that I had just met a week ago. I guess it would not have been that big of a deal but it would be very uncomfortable for a little while at least.
I tried really hard to think about a few topics that I discussed with my friend the previous night. This is where I went wrong. In this work you aren’t supposed to try and do anything. You are supposed to let your body, soul and mind experience everything as it comes to you. I knew that it was wrong to be trying but I had to give it a shot. I kept thinking that if I passed up this opportunity to learn something or clarify something about my past relationships or possible ones that I would not get everything I could out of this program. Of course after sitting there for half an hour trying to think of things I realized that by trying to think of them that I was doing myself more of a disservice. So, I let it go and stopped trying. The funny thing is, nothing came to me after I stopped trying… I guess I am perfect when it comes to this sexuality stuff! Haha… who am I kidding!
Moral of the story: I thought things were going to come up and I was going to really come to clarity with myself on a bunch of issues today, but nothing really happened. Maybe it was all internal, maybe now is just not the time. I just hope that I will have the courage to express myself when the times come up.
My intention was made: “to let it happen and be open to it”. This intention was put in place so that I could face anything that would possibly come up and not be scared to expose myself (in more than one way).
I did not know what to expect of the treatment sessions that were going to happen today because I knew the area that we would be working in and it can get pretty personal. I was happy to find out that I would not have to be naked in front of all these people that I had just met a week ago. I guess it would not have been that big of a deal but it would be very uncomfortable for a little while at least.
I tried really hard to think about a few topics that I discussed with my friend the previous night. This is where I went wrong. In this work you aren’t supposed to try and do anything. You are supposed to let your body, soul and mind experience everything as it comes to you. I knew that it was wrong to be trying but I had to give it a shot. I kept thinking that if I passed up this opportunity to learn something or clarify something about my past relationships or possible ones that I would not get everything I could out of this program. Of course after sitting there for half an hour trying to think of things I realized that by trying to think of them that I was doing myself more of a disservice. So, I let it go and stopped trying. The funny thing is, nothing came to me after I stopped trying… I guess I am perfect when it comes to this sexuality stuff! Haha… who am I kidding!
Moral of the story: I thought things were going to come up and I was going to really come to clarity with myself on a bunch of issues today, but nothing really happened. Maybe it was all internal, maybe now is just not the time. I just hope that I will have the courage to express myself when the times come up.
No comments:
Post a Comment